king.txt
king.txt
| Video title | king.txt |
|---|---|
| Creator | Jadus |
| Channel | Jadusable |
| Upload date | April 1, 2020 |
| Runtime | 5:36 |
| Tags | N/A |
| Game | N/A |
"It only took the collapse of modern society to feel that I was living with purpose for the first time in a long time - maybe ever. What's so wrong with that? Nothing, I eventually decided. Nothing was wrong with that."—Jadus, king.txt
king.txt is the eighth video of the Awakening Arc and the twenty-eighth video in Ben Drowned. It is preceded by sonata.wmv and followed by CHILDREN.wmv.
Synopsis
Jadus gives us a glimpse into his past, his mental health, and his discovery of freedom in the new world.
Video
Description
N/A
Transcript
The destroyed house is shown on screen. Jadus types:
- I thumbed through my old phone today.
- There was a delay in shift change for guard duty and I had some time to kill. I've deleted everything else on it that isn't essential and with no network towers active it's now just a scrapbook that I carry with me.
- I found an old thread that I was waiting to post for when the internet went back up - before we knew how long that would actually take. It was barely six months ago, but it felt like years at this point.
The perspective changes to Jadus from the past. We now see a photo from the view of someone wearing a black glove overlooking a desk that contains a small journal-type book, two mannequin heads, and a lamp. The book is opened to a page containing the lyrics to "Moonlight Serenade." Jadus types:
- "Hey I'm just reaching out here and wondering if anyone feels the same way.
- Does anyone else feel like they can see things brighter now? I used to feel like I had no purpose before this - I used to take a pill every morning and have a drink every evening. Took the same route, did the same things, lived the same life. Day in. Day out. Looking back, the highlight of my life was looking forward to when I could drink a little more and sleep a little later. I used to live seven days at a time, but the weirdest thing is happening - my life is objectively in more danger and uncertainty than ever before but I feel better than ever. I used to not be able to look people in the eye for very long, used to not really speak up at all. I used to sit around and fall into a pit of despair reflecting on my life and missed opportunities.
- Now I wake up, more invigorated and level-headed than ever before even though the world is going to hell around me. Also, I've totally been hearing voices in my head... LOL just kidding.
- But seriously, has anyone else felt or beginning to feel like this? Like, something spiritual is happening?"
The perspective shifts back to the present. Jadus continues:
- I smiled at the text. I remember injecting a little humor at the end because I was worried what I was writing sounded completely insane. At the time I was debating on whether or not to expand upon what I was really feeling - that I was beginning to notice more patterns in my day to day life - little coincidences that seemed to line up a little too well. Repeating numbers, signs, that sort of thing.
- It was way too much, I figured at the time, to include something as heavy as that in my initial post. Maybe if enough people engaged with it, I would open up a little more in the follow up replies.
- The truth was, at that time, I was getting powerful feelings that I couldn't quite understand. You know the hero's journey? That kind of cliche? It was like that, if I didn't know any better. It was like a spiritual call to action welling up in my chest, pushing me to DO something. It was so profound, in fact, that it made me second guess if the old me was ever really depressed and needed medication to begin with.
- I remember the growing pains of coming to terms with the new me. It felt good, it felt empowering, but I was so used to feeling weak and afraid that I actually fought back against feeling this way. What if this was actually happening for a reason? What if there actually was more to this life to discover? What if I had a role to play in that, somehow? Those were the kind of questions that I was deathly afraid to entertain, having lived the past thirty two years of my life in mediocrity. The child in me desperately wished that I was meant for something incredible, but the adult in me was afraid it might actually come true.
- I remember when denial stopped working for me. The old me eventually came to terms that I was changing and something spiritual was happening - but it decided to accept this on one condition; it had to be because something negative was about to happen to me. The pessimist in me reasoned that the only way something good like this would be happening is if it's because I'm clearly going to die soon and this is somehow a way of squeezing what energy I'm supposed to give this world out before I shuffle off this mortal coil.
- I spent a month or so living with that impending doom before eventually realizing that it never came. Looking back it was incredible how much of a fight my old personality put up to stay stagnant, even when it knew that the new me would be objectively better in every conceivable way. The irony is that even though I didn't like my old self, in the end I was terrified to be anything else. It only took the collapse of modern society to feel that I was living with purpose for the first time in a long time - maybe ever. What's so wrong with that?
- Nothing, I eventually decided. Nothing was wrong with that.
The image changes to the sun rising over the earth. Jadus continues:
- Something is out there. I feel it just as much as the air I breathe. There is a world far beyond this one and some kind of spirit... something... was guiding me after all. For what, I don't know yet. I wish I had this kind of clarity before - God, I would kill to have this kind of clarity before in the old world - but at least it's found me now.
- The tingling in my forehead is faint, but maybe you can feel it too, if you're out there.
Notes
- This video was uploaded three times. The first two uploads were taken down for being duplicates of already-existing videos.
- The final upload was briefly named king, then king.txt before settling on its final title.
- There are two instances of text being deleted and replaced:
- The text that reads, "At the time I was debating on whether or not to expand upon what I was really feeling - that I was beginning to notice more patterns" originally contained "weird things" in place of "more patterns."
- The text that reads, "There is a world far beyond this one and some kind of spirit... something... was guiding me after all" originally contained a normal "was" in the place of the bold "was."
- The journal on Jadus' desk contains the lyrics to Glenn Miller's 1939 swing ballad "Moonlight Serenade."
- I stand at your gate
And the song that I sing
Is of moonlight. I stand and I wait
For the touch of your hand
In the June night. The roses are sighing
A moonlight serenade.
The stars are aglow and tonight
How their light sets me dreaming.
My love, do you know that your eyes
Are like stars brightly beaming?
I bring you and sing you
A moonlight serenade.
Let us stray till break of day
In love's valley of dreams.
Just you and I, a summer sky,
A heavenly breeze kissing the trees.
So don't let me wait, come to me
Tenderly in the June night.
I stand at your gate and I sing
You a song in the moonlight,
A moonlight serenade.- The penultimate lyric of "A love song, my darling," is absent from the lyric sheet.
- The song contains a number of possible veiled references to events in the story:
- The subject of the moon is an obvious implication of the role of the Moon in the ARG, be it as the literal Moon of Majora's Mask, Luna, the deity of the Moon Children, etc.
- Mentions of a gate may be a reference to gateway.wmv
- Mentions of eyes may be a reference to Kelbris and his infamous lack of the organ, or the use of the in-game sun to represent The Father's eyes from The Last Hero.wmv onwards since the song describes the recipient's eyes as "stars brightly beaming"
- Mentions of June may be a reference to important June uploads such as The Truth.wmv, but this could very well have just been a coincidence
- Mentions of roses may be references to Rosa, but this could definitely just be a major leap in thinking.
- I stand at your gate
- This video's title, specifically due to the date it was released, is a reference to king kong.wmv, an April Fools video posted by Alex Hall on April 1, 2012.
- Jadus' gloves and leather-bound booklet are found in the hotel room by the Second Player in Methods of Revolution [Day 1]
